Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
