I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
