i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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