those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
