I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
