I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
