Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
