her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
