It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
