Please, let me fuck your mom
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
