I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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