I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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