wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
