Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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