Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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