Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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