he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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