I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
