their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Where is the hickey?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize