and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
