Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
