Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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