But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
