Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
