i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
