I don't usually arrange sex via text message
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
