Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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