the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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