I think my vagina is haunted
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
