wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
