When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
