I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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