sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have already put on my inside pants.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
