If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
