Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
