So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
