how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
