I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
