i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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