Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
