my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
