oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
