If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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