You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize