Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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