i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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