Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We need to get me chipped asap
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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