My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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