so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
