i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We have started to decorate penises.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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