You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
