Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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