At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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