I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
