I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So squirting runs in the family.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
