there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
