Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
