Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I understand Curling. That high.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
