YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize