his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
