I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
