dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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