walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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