I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
