All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
