i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
