alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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