o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
