It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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