I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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