pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
