a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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