rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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