I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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