Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
