people are starting to question the shark bite story
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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