its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
