you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How external is "for external use only"?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
