i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you will always have a special place in my vag
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Come on in and take your pants off
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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