he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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