I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
