oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize