Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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