Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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