at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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