So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
