You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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