Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
