Girls should come with a carfax report
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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