I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
