His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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