He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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