My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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