my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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