I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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