I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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