We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize